December thirty first, two thousand seven, was the day my life changed. Let me take you back to the day before it all happened. My mother called my grandma, just to have a casual conversation. Then all of a sudden my grandpa asked to speak to me. This was very strange, he was the type of person that would not get on the phone unless someone asked for him. He wouldn't even call anyone unless it was an emergency. So I got on the phone, we talked for about twenty minutes then he said "Bye, I love you". On the thirty first my mother and I went out shopping and when we came home, my aunts car was in the driveway. This was unusual, but I thought nothing of it. I was unlocking the door as my mom reached my aunts car. Then I heard the words that would haunt me the rest of my life. "Pa's dead" she said with a shaky voice trying to calm her crying.

It was like a shock to my system, I immediately started crying hysterically. It felt as if my heart had shattered into a million pieces. I couldn't breath, I started to hyperventilate. It didn't make since, I just talked to him. I went in my room and that's were I stayed for the rest of the night. The crying stopped after a few hours, but I felt hollow inside. I felt as if I had lost my own life, as if it would never have meaning again. I had to lie to myself and say it was a dream, it was the only way I could hold myself together. I would tell myself "He's fine, when I go up north. He will be sitting there telling jokes like always". Two days later it was time to go to their house, it's a four hour drive and I was feeling fine. Then when there was about thirty minutes left of the ride, my heart started beating really fast and the crying started. It wouldn't stop, it was as if I convinced my head that it wasn't real, but my heart knew the truth. We pulled into the driveway and I couldn't even get out of the car, I just sat there crying. I didn't want to walk in and not see him there, I didn't want it to be real. Everyone was telling me to go inside, but I couldn't. My body wouldn't move, and my heart was aching. Then my aunt finally talked me into going in. I went inside, but I couldn't go into the living room, I couldn't face the chair he always used to sit in. I couldn't stand being in there without him. Then I thought of my grandma and how hard it must be for her, they never went anywhere with out the other. She was trying so hard to be strong, so I thought I should do the same. I tried as hard as I could to stop the crying. Then I walked in, I still couldn't look at the chair, if I did, I knew I would break down. Over the next two days it became a little easier to be in the house, but it still didn't feel right. Then it was time for the memorial service, as soon as I walked in, I saw him and the crying began. I made sure I didn't look at him, but then I saw the pictures, it was worse then actually seeing him. Thinking of all the memories is still really hard for me, sometimes I can't even look at photos without tearing up. I will cherish the fact that I actually had the chance to tell him goodbye and that I love him.