New Year, New Shit to Achieve!

• Focus more on Buddhism and my Spirituality 
• Save more money, for my trip. 
• Improve my over all health. 
• Get back into photography. 
• Work hard to get where i want to be. 
• Spend some quality time with my Mrs. <3 

I'm not sure what it is about 2011, but i just feel like its a good year for change. 

New year, Improved you :) 

Almost six months later, and you still give me butterflies.

 I feel as if my life is finally starting to fall together instead of apart. It started in April, well actually mid March. I had been friends with someone for almost a year, thats all it was. A friendship, what seemed to be a good one at the time. Then for some reason, in march we started talking a lot more, soon realizing we had so much in common that neither of use had known. It was quite odd, it made me rethink the friendship that we had before. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that i never realized how amazing this person was. After two or three weeks of almost 24 hours on the phone every day, i had realized that i started to develop feelings for her. I honestly did not want to admit it, i didn't want to believe i could fall for someone so far away. But i did. After a few days of her acting like she liked someone else, i got her to confess. I will admit, it was kind of funny... While she was telling me about "this girl" i was telling my friend about how she liked me and was making up a person instead of fessing up to it. It was pretty elementary, but it just made it that much better.  A week or so later, April 15th, 2010 to be exact she said "I would love to call you mine".  So, its five months later and i'm happier than ever. She truly is amazing and i couldn't ask for anyone better.


In other news, I recently started a new job. I love the people and the environment, if i could get more hours, it would honestly be perfect. Also, i will be starting school in october to be a dental assistant. My initial plan was to be a dental hygienist, but i couldn't find a school close enough, therefore i am doing the next best thing. So basically my life is exactly where i want it to be, and i couldn't be any happier.

I needed you, you left. You're back, but i cant. I refuse to let you hurt me all over again.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. 

- Bob Marley. 

Children are our future.

While i was waiting in line at the grocery store, i witnessed something that put a gigantic smile on my face. Its was a conversation involving a mother, her daughter who was about 5 years old and two men. It went like this

Girl: Look mom, look! Them boys are kissing.
Mom: Yes, they are.
Girl: Why?
Mom: Because they love each other very much, like daddy and I.
Girl: Aww, but they are boys?
Mom: It doesnt matter, they can love whoever they want.
Girl: Mommy?
Mom: Yes?
Girl: Can I love a girl?
Mom: Yes, sweetie you can, if you want to.
(Girl gets big smile on her face)
Man: Thank you very much for teaching your child that its okay to be gay.
Mom: No, thank you for being yourself and not hiding it. Its much easier to teach her when there are people expressing it.

They then hugged each other, and went their separate ways.


This gives me much hope for our future. It puts us one step closer to a world were everyone is treated equally and has equal rights. These are the same values i plan on teaching my children and grandchildren. I honestly don't understand why people must hate for no reason. Or why they're so closed minded and refuse to look at views other than their own. You cannot control who you fall in love with, no matter what you do or what you want. Love happens.

Love and it's consciences.

I feel as if i have possibly found everything i could ever want in a person, in you. Yet i cannot act on it, i cant make that finale move. If i do, things will change. No matter if we want it to or not, it will be different, it's inevitable. Then comes the big "what if". What if it didn't work out, what if it ended? I know it would never be the same again, i cant live with that. It's too risky, this is safe and i need safe right now.

I love you.

The future is uncertain, so i will not promise to be with you forever. But i will say that no matter what happens, or where our lives take us. Wether i admit it or not, a piece of my heart belongs to you and no one will ever  fill that void.

Lost in translation.

I ask you to speak to me. Even though i cannot understand, i feel everything you are saying.

I get distracted as your hair falls ever so gently into your blue eyes. Your voice is like a melody, i hang on to your every word. Hoping that my classes will somehow aid me in understanding the beauty i hear. You say "vous et je" and "meilleur ami" my heart sank. They are not the words i was expecting to hear. I know its been a while, but i was expecting more. Then you did it, your little half smile that always won me over, you leaned in and quietly whispered "je vous aime". 

Retail therapy.

I haven't been shopping in a while. Im seriously feeling it badly, im not sure what to do with myself. I have been scoping online shops trying to decide what my first purchase will be once my car is fixed and i can find a new job. Which will not be until at least march, but most likely april. I found a couple outfits im thinking about getting. But i might just say screw it and splurge on a pair of Manolo Blahniks <3

In other news...
I have a headache.

Winter Daze

It snowed today, as i was walking to get my mail. I stopped, closed my eyes and just stood there for a moment. Trying to remember the days when i couldn't wait for snow. The days when i would run outside without a coat, wanting to jump right into the first pile i saw, then later crying because my fingers were cold. The days when i would stick my tongue out while twirling in circles just tasting and feeling it. Those days don't come anymore, i miss them. Life used to be so simple, so easy, i hadn't a care in the world.  Those days are more of a daze now, they're like that one amazing dream that you were awaken from too early and you try forever to make it come back and it never does.

When i opened my eyes, i had snowflakes on my lashes, it made me giggle and in that moment i felt like i did back then.

My day consisted of

Making breakfast like mom used to, facebook quizzes, talk of future lives in big cities, 4 cups of coffee which left a ring on my favorite table, finishing paperwork i started two weeks ago, surfing through urban while skyping with Amber,  feeding my addiction by consuming 16 cough drops, which is well over the recommended dosage.  Also, im wanting a new tattoo but cant decided on the placement, ice skating with Jill & a Venti Caffè Vanilla.

Live free, Live happy.

As some of you know, one of my greatest loves in life are animals. Well, then it would make perfect sense for me to live a cruelty free life... right? Right! Which i do, for the most part. I have been trying my best to not purchase products by companies that test on animals. I have been living this way for a couple years now, and i really do feel a lot better knowing im not harming them. BUT as anyone who reads this knows, i have a major dental hygiene fetish. Its really hard to give up my regular toothpaste, i have been fighting with myself over it for the longest time. I have finally decided that when i run out i will buy a couple cruelty free brands. This will be a major step for me and it weirds me out, way more then it ever should. Also,  sometimes i slip and buy "bad" shampoo. I cant help but to love dove, it does wonders for my hair. Oh and i could never find deodorant until just 5 minutes ago, which was what inspired me to write this. Not only do i not buy animal tested products. I am also a vegetarian, i have tried numerous times through out my life and  have finally succeeded. Well, actually i was prefect for the first three months then i slipped up a bit. But im back on track and feeling better then ever! After i stopped eating meat i seriously felt so much better, i had more energy and became happier, which i didn't think was even possible.

Here are some of the cruelty free products that i use.. if anyone is curious in trying them out.

Shampoo / Conditioners 

• Wen by Chaz Dean: (im an infomercial junkie). I love it to death, its my favorite hair product ever.
• Mixed Chicks: Seeing im mixed, my hair is a bunch of textures and usually shampoos either dry it out or make it greasy. But this is perfect, it makes your hair really soft. And you dont have to be Mixed to use it. My mom who is white, has very fine hair.. it worked great for her as well.  Its also recommended for curly hair. 
• White Rain Naturals:  They don't test and its cheap... i use it when im out of the others.  
• Paul Mitchell         

Make up    

• E.L.F:  I hardly wear make up. so when i do, im cheap about it. lol  The products are great and its all really inexpensive. 
• DuWop: They have great products, but its on the pricier side.
• MAC

 Then for lotions, body washes and all that good stuff.

Bath & Body Works, or St. Ives. 




Sometime in the next few months im going to be trying out Lush, they have cruelty free organic goods. Check them out... www.lush.com 

Really people?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the Twilight Sega, i might also go as far as saying i loved it. But I have also had a vampire obsession that started at an early age. Now, the thing i dont get is. The people who hadnt like vampires before twilight, that now love all things vampire. Its kind of odd to me, the cullens arent even "real" vampires. I mean, Vampires dont jump through the trees like "spider monkeys" and they surely do not sparkle. But yet the cullen have sparked this vampire craze in not only the people who never gave vampires a second thought but also the ones that disliked them. If you're one of these people, can you explain this to me? Im very intrested in youre opinion on it.